I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I made him laugh his dick is mine
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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