I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
she looked like the before picture.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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