hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
ttyl tear gas
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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