I think I just saw someone hide a body.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
