he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
