i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My ass is underappreciated
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
