We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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