Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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