well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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