Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
