woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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