dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
