I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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