i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
