i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Randomize