Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
