u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
