I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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