I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
did i walk over a car last night?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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