Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
