im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize