you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
