We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
