this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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