I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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