I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
