Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
