Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
