My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
