i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
