I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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