why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
