Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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