i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
