The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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