How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Boobs are out for the taking
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
