do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
