so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
how does that bad decision feel?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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