Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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