I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
