we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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