I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
