Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She's the barista slut.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
