i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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