i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
