I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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