glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize