I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
so much tequila, so little girl.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
