Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
