there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
