Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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