Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
