Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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