My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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