The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
And then he peed in my hair
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