Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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