I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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