ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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