My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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