Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
