I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
