You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize