I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It's never too late to be topless.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
