I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
