I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
