I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
