I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
