38 yer olds are good kisserssss
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
