So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
