"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
the day after is always just damage control
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
