You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
