and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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