we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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