i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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