were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
