The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
