You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
