Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
