I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
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