Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He? As in you personified your dick?
The power of my boobs compel you
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
